I've heard it said, that we should surround ourselves with these five types of people; the passionate, the inspired, the motivated, the grateful and the open-minded. It's thought that we are the averages of the five people we spend the most time with. Everyone of course, is still their own individual self, but Jim Rohn uses the "law of averages" to support his belief that, like it or not, those closest to us influence our mood, decisions, self-esteem, and our very way of thinking. Personally, I've found myself even adopting distinct mannerisms and phrases, after spending a great deal of time with one of my besties. This reminds us the we are far more influenced by our environment than we think. While we crave and embrace these positive influences in our lives, we also need critics. Not only do we need them, we must develop the capacity to hear them. The only way toward real growth is to allow ourselves to fall, get up, dust off and try again, (except in the case of bull-riding; in that case, you can walk away to live another day).
Take a moment to consider where you are listed in someone's Hot 5. Would someone ever describe you as motivated or open-minded. Conversely, if you're the important critic, are you delivering commentary on someone's project, actions, or thought processes thoughtfully, and objectively. Are you a value adder?
In all my considerable time on this earth, I have encountered everyone on this list. I've had times of lean and times of abundance when it comes to my top five. What I've discovered however is that in addition to the Hot 5, there are some sub-headings that can help you know who to draw close to you.
There are those that I call value adders, and joy stealers. Both of those positions are typically fulfilled by someone who might organically be a motivated or passionate person. Be careful though who you let on your list. There are those who want to see you succeed, and will be inspiring, while still delivering constructive criticism to be sure. Run, don't walk to put these colleagues on your list. Make no mistake though, there will be passionately motivated folks who are only put in your path to blow out your light (the joy stealers). As someone who typically has always believed the very best of people, especially those on "my team", I've come to learn at the ripe age of "older than 911", I'm still rather naïve. So, I'm taking my own advice, and checking in on my top five. I might need to re-sort my list.
Even as a sensitive person, I'm willing to hear the hard things. I want to always improve, advance, grow, and make a worthwhile impact. But I'm not willing to take advice anymore from those who are not my value adders. If you're not about the "success of the mission", as well as having concern for my personal success when you deliver your critique, I'm not here for that. My philosophy is that we don't bring people on the team to watch them fail. We work together to help them succeed. If your philosophy doesn't align with mine; simple as that, you're not in my top five. I'm open-minded enough to understand that you have your place, it's just not on my list. So as a reminder, just because you're spending most of your time with them, it’s possible that they might not be the community for you. They might not be anticipating good things for you. They may even be nearby simply to blow out your light. Cultivate the hot five carefully. And if you can't find a motivated, inspired, passionate, grateful, or open-minded person.....become one.